i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
