This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
