I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
