What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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