I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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