be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize