His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
