im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
