I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
