my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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