im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
