No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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