some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
sex in a hospital.. check
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
