Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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