My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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