WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
