That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize