i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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