It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
