tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
