I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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