I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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