Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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