The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
