Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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