Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
