How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
