I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
