Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
