I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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