Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
