I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God, I missed his penis.
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