My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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