she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
