Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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