I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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