RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
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