I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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