i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
