you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
