Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
