my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize