I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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