Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
