Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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