Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
