If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
