when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize