trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
