call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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