there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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