you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
