Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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