Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
