there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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