you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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