I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No subtext here. People are naked.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
