Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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