what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
