I got chris browned last night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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