dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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