my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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