I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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