I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
