I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize