you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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