You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
