I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
