Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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