What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
