Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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