Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
