If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
