I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
