dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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