Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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