Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
