Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
