i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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