The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
