I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
