Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
