I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
