Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
