im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize