1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
