So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
