So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize