she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
