She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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