New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
