RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Small penises have feelings too.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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