its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
