if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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