I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
