I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
