The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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