So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize