So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
