Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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