my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
