I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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