And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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