I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
