I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize