Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
