Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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