just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
