I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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