I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
