it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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