KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
