I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
