You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize