Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
