Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
