i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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