i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
