we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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