so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
