i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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